Watching, Waiting
by FallAngel
Summary: Watching and Waiting for you to come back home to me.


**Watching, waiting**

I watch you drinking your poison, bottle after bottle. There are bottles everywhere in your room and in a second or two you're gone, too drunk to see or react. You sink in to our privet heaven and hell and I am standing outside waiting and watching you, hoping that you'll make it back safe to be and fast. I can't stand that you're doing this, and no one is noticing it either. All too busy with their life's to see what you're doing.

You say that it makes you feel better, that it removes the pain you carry in your heart. The pain that I caused but it makes you look so much worse, like a living dead walking around, not my Luke anymore. I am the reason for this and I wish I could carry your pain instead, take it away.

You're drinking to forget in how much you messed for so many. People tell me that you're slowly killing yourself but I know you wouldn't do that, right? I know that you're in pain but even you wouldn't do that, there has to be a limit even for you. I still love you.

You're drinking to make you numb, to forget the world for a moment, to forget me, everyone. How I just abounded you when you needed me the most, how I just gave up on us to make you a better person. I don't think it's working anymore.

You're dying inside; I can see it when I see you walk by Java. That sparkle that used to be there is gone; instead a sad pair of eyes looks back at me. How could I do this to us, and at that moment I want to take you in my arms to take the pain away, to spare you. You suffered enough as it is.

I watch you talk with your family, with a fake smile across your face, trying to pretend that everything is good. But we both know that they are out of control, and yet you try to show people that you're not dying, not breaking apart. It's working so far until Brian walks into the room, then you start to lose it, bit by bit and I stand here wondering what's happening to you.

I watch you walk home from Metro, it's New Year and we were supposed to be together but things got in the way and ended in disaster. Maddie came and then Brian too. I thought we had a clean fresh started, instead hell came along and once again you took out a bottle and drank; fast to get the pain away.

Your stumbling two and throw a contemplating to your life and as the thoughts strike you, you start to cry, harder for etch step and I want to forgive you but my anger doesn't let me.

After that we don't speak to each other, to angry and hurt to forgive. I manage to coupe, working overtime and letting school take over. I don't have anyone to tell me to say that everything is going to be okay bit o coupe anyway.

I haven't seen you in a week, not even once and I thought that it was good until I here Casey and Ali talking outside Al's. They speak about you and at first I can't hear what they are saying. Suddenly they turn around and see me and stop talking instead they stare angry at me.

"Have you heard anything about Luke?" I whisper, afraid to ask.

"You don't even deserve to know anything about Luke. It's your fault that he did what he did" Ali says in an angry voice and I can see tears in her eyes.

I am worried now, something as happened and it's my fault.

"Please" I beg, I have to help him because even after everything that had happened I still cared about him.

But before she replies, Casey's phone starts to ring and he picks it up. "O MY GOD! THE FOUND HIM!" Casey screams into the phone. "How is he, is he okay? Where was he?" He asked the person on the other line.

I stand there waiting.

Casey walks away and started to walk fast, moment later he walks back to us and turns to Ali. "They found him but they can't take him to the hospital or bring him home because he is reusing it "He says in a said voice.

"Is he insane!?" Ali shouts. "He needs help"

"He is refusing it"

Ali shakes her head. "So the only thing we can do is waiting?"

"That's right"

And with that they leave, leaving me in shock. "Where is he?" I call out.

Ali turns around and heists' for a moment but replies back. "In a cottage in the wood."

So here I am, stand outside your house. They told me what happened after New Year's. How you ran away and that they haven't found you until now, that none one know how you are expect they found a lot of bottles of your poison but they know that you're still alive.

I take a step instead and I see your shadow hanging. You're lying in the bed; I can see that you have been crying, a lot. I did that to you, hurt you even more than before. There are bottles standing on the kitchen table and they are all empty.

I see how you turn in the bed but you're still sleeping, but it's not a nice and comfort sleep, I can tell. I gasp as I see your body. There are scars on your body, everywhere, tiny scare made by a pocket knife which is lying on the floor, bloody.

What happened to you Luke, what did we do to make you go this far?

Suddenly you wake up with a gasp but moan as soon as the pain kicks in to your system but you don't notice my present at first. Instead you roll back into bed, wrapping yourself in to the cover and I can see how thin you have become.

Have you eaten anything these past weeks?

"Luke" I whisper but you don't react at first.

"I have already told you one Noah! Go away; I don't need any more of your whispering in my ears. I know I messed up and that the world is a better place without me. So just get away from my dream, will you?"

He thinks that I am some kind of ghost.

"Luke, I'm real and I'm right here"

"Right" he mumbles back before burning is head into the pillow.

I need to convince him that I'm here and that I'm real, fight for him. So carefully I pull away a part of the covers and clime in bed. Luke still doesn't move, so I move closer, and when he is within reach of my arms I drag in to me so that his head is lying at my chest.

Feel me Luke; feel that I'm real and that I'm here, right beside you, no more running.

I can feel how he is burning his head into my chest, trying to take in me.

"Noah is it really you? If not would you please leave? I'm done pretending this that you would come back to me even after all that I've done against you. I have dreams so long to be back in your arms and I don't think that I could handle if this is another dream."

"It's not a dream Luke, I'm here." And with that I kiss him deep. It was a kiss that said that I was sorry, that I was there and not running any more.

Luke pulled me even closer, running his finger though my hair and I couldn't help to moan as the sensation hit me with a ton of break. God had I missed this man and it's not long before Luke's tough seek entrance and I am more than glad to give him it.

But soon we have to pull apart to breath even though I don't want to; I want to go back to kissing him, to try to take away the pain once more.

Because I'm done watching and I'm done waiting. The only thing that means anything right now is Luke, who is lying in the bed, gasping for air, trying to holding me on to me so that I won't disappear, so that he won't go back into darkness.

"You're here" He whispers.

"I am" I reply and bringing his hand tome so that I can kiss every finger.

"You're here, you're here, and you're here" He chains over and over.

I know that we have a long way to go to get back to where we were but this is a start, a new start. I'm done watching and waiting, I'm taking actions so that I can save the man I love, so that I can save us from darkness, broken hearts.


End file.
